Hierbij wat One-Liners ter inspiratie:
Niet weten wat ik nodig hebt en wat ik wil. (Not to know what I need and what I want)
Met je hoofd vastgezette (misgelopen) kans. (Cognitively arrested opportunity)
Als ik depressiviteit voel leef in in het verleden.
Als ik bang ben leef ik in de toekomst.
Als ik me vredig voel leef ik in het Nu.
wat leeft er in jou? wat is jou verlangen.
Behoefte is de motivatie achter de actie.
Verzoek is dat wat creëert in de wereld.
Marshall Rosenberg (NVC):
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.”
“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”
“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”
“You can’t make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn’t made them wish they had.”
“At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.”
“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, “‘What will they think of me?’ must be put aside for bliss.” We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”
“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.”
“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.”
“My theory is that we get depressed because we’re not getting what we want, and we’re not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want. Instead, we’ve been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers. If we’re going to be one of those good things, better get used to being depressed. Depression is the reward we get for being “good.” But, if you want to feel better, I’d like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you.”
“Words Are Windows (or They’re Walls)
I feel so sentenced by your words,
I feel so judged and sent away,
Before I go I’ve got to know,
Is that what you mean to say?
Before I rise to my defense,
Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words,
Tell me, did I really hear?
Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.
There are things I need to say,
Things that mean so much to me,
If my words don’t make me clear,
Will you help me to be free?
If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words,
To the feelings that we share.
“Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values”
“To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.”
“peace cannot be built on the foundations of fear.”
“Two Questions That Reveal the Limitations of Punishment:
Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment to change people’s behavior.
The first question is: What do I want this person to do that’s different from what he or she is currently doing?
If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective, because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence someone’s behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn’t likely to work: What do I want this person’s reasons to be for doing what I’m asking?”
“When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”
“As we’ve seen, all criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we’ve allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being. When we receive messages with this awareness, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us. We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As”
“Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.”
“Don’t mix up that which is habitual with that which is natural.”
“What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I’ve come to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don’t mix up what we can see with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that’s only my opinion. —Ruth Bebermeyer”
“In this stage, which I refer to as emotional slavery, we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others. We think we must constantly strive to keep everyone happy. If they don’t appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it. This can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens.”
“the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego—your need to possess and control—and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous—large souled. —Sam Keen, philosopher”
“Advising: “I think you should … “ “How come you didn’t … ?” One-upping: “That’s nothing; wait’ll you hear what happened to me.” Educating: “This could turn into a very positive experience for you if you just … “ Consoling: “It wasn’t your fault; you did the best you could.” Story-telling: “That reminds me of the time … “ Shutting down: “Cheer up. Don’t feel so bad.” Sympathizing: “Oh, you poor thing … “ Interrogating: “When did this begin?” Explaining: “I would have called but … “ Correcting: “That’s not how it happened.”
“focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging,”
“Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.”
“Let’s shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking.”
“Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compliments to be life-alienating. Notice, however, that appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what’s going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication.”
“Life-alienating communication both stems from and supports hierarchical or domination societies, where large populations are controlled by a small number of individuals to those individuals, own benefit. It would be in the interest of kings, czars, nobles, and so forth that the masses be educated in a way that renders them slavelike in mentality. The language of wrongness, should, and have to is perfectly suited for this purpose: the more people are trained to think in terms of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness and badness, the more they are being trained to look outside themselves—to outside authorities—for the definition of what constitutes right, wrong, good, and bad. When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”
“This objective of getting what we want from other people—or getting them to do what we want them to do—threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they’re not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.”
“I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. And that was the real import of this morning: not that a disgruntled young Gestapo officer yelled at me, but that I felt no indignation, rather a real compassion,”